Existential Questions
Cranky’s looking for answers
Written Sunday night.
It’s been a long week for yours truly. Five days and four nights with just me and the four cat brothers. Thanksgiving alone is just weird. With my Covid brain fog I can’t remember if it’s the 2nd or 3rd one in a row. I had frozen food aisle tamales which would’ve been a lot better if I had some margaritas but I didn’t so it’s just sad.
Being alone for some is the best thing they can get, no disruptions or distractions getting in the way of their me time. For others, like me, it’s pretty dreadful. Especially now that I’m bedridden a few days a week with Long Covid and other health problems.
It usually doesn’t take long after my caretaker ex leaves for the existential crises to infiltrate my brain. What are you going to do now? How are you feeling, really? Are you ever going to get out of this situation and crappy little apartment? Why won’t the cats help keep me from doom scrolling three different social media platforms? What if god put in human-blocking earplugs a few hundred years ago and is just leaving it all up to us while singing Billy Joel songs to him/herself?
Why am I still here and what’s my purpose are the ones that feel unanswerable. Add these to my health problems and you can probably see why I call myself cranky. These posts are like me standing on a corner, alternating between big questions and random riffs, trying to amuse myself and others just to get by and maybe get some spare change thrown my way too.
I’ll try to be funnier or have more of a point in future posts. But I may not, I just don’t know with this Brain Fog & everything else. I’m doing the best I can.
CCM
